I won't write you back if

This is a new section of my blog where I post red flags I find on OkCupid and will be directly copying it for your viewing pleasure.

I won't write you back if the movie portion of your profile looks like this


"Movies: In no particular order:

Superman, Superman Returns, Batman, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Spiderman, X-Men, Star Wars, Iron Man, Clerks, Mallrats, The Great Outdoors, The Jerk, Father of the Bride, Big, The Burbs, Joe Versus the Volcano, The Money Pit, My Blue Heaven, The Toy, See No Evil Hear No Evil, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Adventures in Babysitting, Planes Trains & Automobiles, Little Shop of Horrors, Uncle Buck, Who's Harry Crumb, Armed and Dangerous, Bottle Rocket, Envy, Best in Show, A Christmas Story, License to Drive, Encino Man, Summer Rental, Weekend at Bernies, Brewster's Millions, Herlem Nights, Spaceballs, Gleaming the Cube, Cocoon, the Karate Kid, Commando, total recall, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the Incredibles, Legend, Airborne, Beverly Hills Cop 1-3, 48 Hours, The Golden Child, Coneheads, Airheads, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Juno, The Wedding Singer, Dirty Work, The Waterboy, Little Nicky, Waynes World, UHF, Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, Half Baked, Up in Smoke, Still Smoking, Reality Bites, Empire Records, Joe Dirt, PCU, Zoolander, Spies Like Us, Stripes, Splash, Caddyshack, Animal House, National Lampoons Vacation, European Vacation, Christmas Vacation, Galaxy Quest, Eurotrip, Austin Powers, Blazing Saddles, Tin Cup, Prefontaine, The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, Beerfest, Superbad, Accepted, Harold and Kumar, Old School, Anchor Man, The Hangover, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, So I Married an Axe Murderer, Clue, Forrest Gump, Scary Movie, Friday, Dumb and Dumber, The Cable Guy, Naked Gun, Top Secret, Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, Kingpin, Grandma's Boy, What About Bob, Fletch, Ghostbusters, Con Air, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Summer School, High School High, How High, Pineallpe Express, Back to School, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dazed and Confused, The Replacements, The Program, The Last Boy Scout, Necessary Roughness, The Express, Cannibal! The Musical, Orgasmo, BASEketball, Back To The Future, Pink Floyd: The Wall, The Fifth Element, Hot Fuzz, Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure, Flight of the Navigator, Throw Mama from the Train, DARYL, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Cry Baby, Cheech and Chong Movies, Van Wilder, Dead Man on Campus, The Poseidon Adventure, Shaun of the Dead, 28 Days Later, Zombieland, Inglorious Basterds, Boyz in the Hood, Menace II Society, CB4, The Graduate, Project X, The Philadelphia Experiment, Jurassic Park, The Princess Bride, Army of Darkness, Evil Dead, Bubba Ho-tep, Beetlejuice, Revenge Of the Nerds, Police Academy, Teen Wolf, Real Genius, The Three Amigos, Loose Cannons, Dodgeball, Starship Troopers, True Romance, True Lies, Last Action Hero, Ultimate Avengers, Point Break, Napolean Dynamite, American Pie 1&2, The Doors, Swingers, Bulworth, Big Trouble in Little China, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Hustle & Flow, Silence of the Lambs, 12 Monkeys, The Big Lebowski, Scrooged, American History X, Sniper, Usual Suspects, Bad Boys, Grosse Pointe Blank, A Clockwork Orange, American Beauty, Rain Man, Rounders, Bourne Identity, Wallstreet, Boogie Nights, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Adaptation, A Beautiful Mind, Being John Malkovich, The Basketball Diaries, Die Hard, Bloodsport, Lionheart, Flatliners, Clear and Present Danger, A Few Good men, The Fugitive, Patriot Games, Dead Poets Society, Natural Born Killers, Dark City, Darkman, Friday Night Lights, Remember The Titans, Rudy, Cyborg, Mad Max, Highlander, Indiana Jones, Lord Of the Rings, Harry Potter, Apocalypse Now, Sin City, Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Sherlock Holmes, Fight Club, Boondock Saints, American Gangster, Four Rooms, The Men Who Stare at Goats, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Top Gun, Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, Gladiator, The Patriot, The Rock, Gran Turino, Reservoir Dogs, Almost every James Bond Movie, All Bruce Lee Movies, Braveheart, The Goonies, Gremlins, Hackers, PI, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, King of New York, Jaws, The Abyss, Alpha Dog, Stand By Me, Lean on Me, Th Lost Boys, The Outsiders, The Godfather, Pulp Fiction, Good Will Hunting, Good Morning Vietnam, From Dusk till Dawn, Walk the Line, The Shawshank Redemption, Taxi Driver, Se7en, Scarface, Donnie Brasco, Casino, Goodfellas, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Robocop, Lethal Weapon, Heat, A Bronx Tale, Arachnophobia, Enemy of the State, The Matrix trilogy, Blade Runner, Barbarella, Running Man, Enter The Dragon, Game of Death, The Game, Surviving the Game, Terminator, Rambo, Predator, Alien, District 9, Full Metal Jacket, Donnie Darko, Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, ET, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Independence Day, Fire in the Sky, The Shining, Hellraiser, The Butterfly Effect, Mad Max, Timecop, Stargate, Men in Black, All Star Trek Movies. Let me know if I missed anything."

Snowtastrophy

Well, it's another snow day. I will never ever be annoyed by snow. I don't care how uncoordinated I am, how much I fall in it, how much the cold makes me have to pee. The fact that it is 100% acceptable to not get off my ass for 2 days gives me endless pleasure. I have 2 bottles of wine, 2 cats and endless supply of artery clogging food waiting to be consumed. Well not the cats, don't get me wrong I probably would if it came down to it.

Life. is. good.

I already broke kindle rule number one. It was a self imposed rule, similar to when I got my first iPod. The rule being that I will only read books that I won't be ashamed of if anyone picks it up. But with threat of looming snowstorm and finishing of my last book, I needed something. The kindle gods told me that a chick book, complete with fat intelligent woman finding love was only 99 cents. It was fate. So now, as I'm stuffing my face full of cheese covered tostitoes, I can envision that there is hope for me. If I wasn't about 95% positive that this author is currently wiping the same tostito crumbs from her keyboard while penning her follow up book, "No really, Keep eating, Someone will Love You."

Now I have to figure out a way to stretch $190 dollars across 2 weeks. I ended up spending all of this paycheck on silly little things like rent and bills and more important things like this awesome case for my computer.

I've been much better with my OKCupiding as of late. I usually don't talk to anyone and just man shop, but I've actually loosened up and written a few candidates back.

Next step: I'm going to practice the art of juggling. I'm single, young, still have my looks. I shouldn't be sitting around waiting till these tostitoes catch up with me.

Quick Cheat Sheet to online dating

Online dating.

It used to be treated like touching one's self. Sure, lots of people do it, but for the love of God, don't ever admit it. Well, I have a surprisingly high shame threshold and I am going to out myself. I ... am... an online dater. Phew, now that's out of the way let me tell you a few things I've notice whilst man shopping. Oh, and he doesn't know it yet, but Imma have my guy friend do the lady counterpart list at later date. (Special thanks to him, for allowing me to use his photo.) So here goes. This is mostly in or around OKCupid, because it's free and I'm as cheap as I am lazy.

Photos:

Extreme closeup- fat
Smirks, serious emo faces, general unhappiness- Fucked up teeth.
More than one cat picture- Gay
Smoking- pretentious

Looking for:

"Short term relationships" - Casual sex
"Activity partners"- Casual sex
"Long term activity partners"- Casual sex
"Casual sex"= Someone to make out with in their mom's basement