He said

See guy's answer to my previous post.

Ok, so Short and Curly called me out on some internet dating nonsense. I'll admit it, with just a tinge of shame, I too am, or was, an internet dater. Sac omitted one interesting little tidbit about her internet dating history, though. It's where we met oh so many years ago.

I'm pretty sure I never quantified my approach to internet dating the way she did because I'm not as much of an overthinker. But there are definitely some things I kept in mind whilst browsing the morass of desperation and gross casual sex that is OkC.

Pictures and Such:

Pixelated and out of focus - seriously, the number of people who can't just upload a proper sized pic to this site is astounding. But, it's a quick and easy way to eliminate retards.

Old boyfriend poorly cropped out, with a block over his face or not obscured at all - hung up. If you do go out on a date with this person you'll spend most of the night hearing stories about how awesome/awful this dood was/is.

More than one picture with more than one friend - trying too hard to overcome internet dating stigma. "Look I have real friends!!!!" It's 2010, calm down, everyone internet dates.

Face only photo, self taken, from above - I'm just gonna go ahead and guess that you and I have wildly different interpretations of the term "slender" when it comes to body type.

And now, since this blog is mostly about me making fun of myself, here are some "tweaks" I made in crafting my own profiles:

Hats - I did this without even realizing it. It's no secret that my hair has been beating a hasty retreat to my shoulders and ears for some time now. Turns out that I am subconsciously a little more insecure about this than I'd like to be, as I was wearing a hat in every picture in my most recent profile.

Career Description - I hate describing my job because it sucks, it's nothing I want to do with my life and there's no way to frame it to seem impressive. This section usually became a way to show off my biting wit and self-effacing hilarity. Usually something like: I gleam the cubicle from 9-5 blah blah blah.

Movies, Books, TV etc - I have great taste in all this shit, if I may toot my own horn a little bit. But, I've got a penchant for sloppy romcoms, shitty teen coming of age or transformation movies, the occasional musical, terrible mopey whiteboy pop and the like. Did I hone up to any of that? Hell no.

In the end, internet dating is no worse or better a place to meet people. Granted, it seems to be a bit more tolerable for guys, as girls are way less creepy than us, and if you're not a complete cretin you get to meet some awesome women and walk away with some good friends if the dating shit doesn't work out. But, I think, for me at least, I'm just gonna stick with real life for a while. Parades have been a great place as of late.

Quick Cheat Sheet to online dating

Online dating.

It used to be treated like touching one's self. Sure, lots of people do it, but for the love of God, don't ever admit it. Well, I have a surprisingly high shame threshold and I am going to out myself. I ... am... an online dater. Phew, now that's out of the way let me tell you a few things I've notice whilst man shopping. Oh, and he doesn't know it yet, but Imma have my guy friend do the lady counterpart list at later date. (Special thanks to him, for allowing me to use his photo.) So here goes. This is mostly in or around OKCupid, because it's free and I'm as cheap as I am lazy.

Photos:

Extreme closeup- fat
Smirks, serious emo faces, general unhappiness- Fucked up teeth.
More than one cat picture- Gay
Smoking- pretentious

Looking for:

"Short term relationships" - Casual sex
"Activity partners"- Casual sex
"Long term activity partners"- Casual sex
"Casual sex"= Someone to make out with in their mom's basement